It’s All Coming up Gigi

“I’m about to start writing a sex blog. Mostly inclined towards BDSM”

I was met with a few different responses, ranging from positive from my close friends, to:

“Why would you even do that?” From one of the closest people in my life. 

So, hello. I’m Gigi, I’m rather blunt, I love BDSM, and my experiences are mostly all going to be concerning my rather willing, yet occasionally still terrified, partner. 

I’ve been into the world of BDSM since I was a teenager, when I realised I was into not only restraints, but pain and power play. I might not be the kinkiest out there, but I sure as hell dabble. However, for the majority of my somewhat less than straight edge sexual life, I’ve been matched with the less adventurous or expreienced quite consistenly. 

And this time was no different.

My partner is somewhat vanilla, and doesn’t understand why whips, chains and Dom/Sub relationships get me off. He doesn’t get the need for all of these high quality leather toys, and soft silky rope, and he certainly doesn’t get why I want to write a blog about it. However, he’s usually quite open to the whole experimentation thing, unless he feels suddenly bombarded. Well, then he tends to run off like a scared little creature confronted with a wolf, bared teeth and all. Now, this is why my telling him abruptly that I wanted to start dialoguing our sex lives publicly jarred him.

The same goes for introducing him to my toys (a collection that is surely growing) as well as the sentence: “Kneel, bitch, and do my bidding!”

So, obviously there must be a tactic for coaxing out this experimental little gem, like enticing gold out of a scrounging leprechaun. Well yes, there is.

1. Start off small, like with something that isn’t partner specific. No butt plugs ‘for him’ or ‘clit clamps’ straight away, find something you can both use.
2. Something that’s socially acceptable and seen as ‘spicy’ rather than ‘I will make you my little minion’ always works a trick. A simple set of handcuffs is a good place to start, since they’re referenced in far too many movies and tv shows to count. 
3. Let them try it on you first. ‘Hey Honey. I dig restraints. How ’bout you try them on me, and we’ll just see where it takes us?’  sounds a lot better than. ‘Hey honey, can I strap you up in this and have my way with you?’
4. Have your safeword, and let them chose it, if you are going to be in controlg of the sexual rollercoaster. Give them some essence of control to start with until you can build that all important trust.
5. Make sure it’s safe, you’re both sane (your local instituation can deal with this) and you’re both consenting to everything that’s happening. A list of their do’s and dont’s is a great place to start.

Follow these steps and you’ll be on the right path, it’s all about respect guys. And as soon as you’ve developed and moved on from the beginner’s handcuffs, go crazy and get some Spreader Bars (The next on my to do list with my vanilla cupcake of a partner). Who knows what kind of discovery your partner will have, they might be suggesting some fun toys too, and leading the charge! 

So – There goes my personal advice on how to introduce someone, personally, to your life of kink. Whether it be a blog, sexcapades or even just kinky talk, like Alice in Wonderland, I’m sure you’ll have them falling down the rabbit hole.

Watch this space for some fun, some hints on introducing someone into your kinky world, and little tricks I enjoy using.